Friday Morning

Good morning from the local (to someone, not local to me) coffee shop in wonderful Hollywood.  I'm not being  sarcastic, I love this part of LA.  I hit the road early to miss traffic and be to my doctor's appt. on time.  I settled in to the cozy seat in the corner so no one can see my screen and my headphones are on, but it's a quiet day around the web and all of my friends are at work.  Somewhere I wish i could be.

So let's do the general update thing......

1 - Job hunting sucks.  Sending your resume out via job sites is just about worthless..  I've put out probably 40 on-line applications and haven't heard a single thing.  Not one response besides the automated, "Thank you for applying!" e-mail.

2 - The jog hunt screws with your marriage.  I love being home, I love volunteering in my son's class and going to all my daughter's track meets and choir shows, but the roles are changing.  I've always done a lot of stuff around the house (O - that one is for you), but now I'm starting to have opinions on HOW to do things.  I used to just help, but now certain things are becoming mine and we use the bathroom cleaning schedule as a proxy fight over my job hunting priorities.

3 - Job hunting messes with your self image.  Being at the computer all day putting out job leads that never materialize screws with your head.  You start doubting every skill you  have, you wonder how you kept a job in the first place, you worry if anyone will ever hire you, that maybe your skills are out of date, and that maybe being the assistant night manager at the local Jack in the Box isn't such a bad idea, I mean, come on, the give you the bullet proof vest almost for free.

4 - All your free time vanishes.  With nothing to do, you end up doing nothing.  I've been home for 6 months and haven't cleaned the garage, built the entertainment center, put up a shelf, painted the girl's rooms, or banged my wife nearly enough.  Everything is about the hunt, so logic and scheduling goes out the window and you end up doing nothing.  That parts really sucks.  you have all this time and NOTHING happens.

5 - Moved to bottom

6 - Looking for work is like having a baby.  It takes a long time, it makes you feel awful, it makes you sick, and you and your spouse argue of stupid stuff.  For those of you who have kids, remember how things changed, or the new areas of conflict that appeared, when child-rearing came in to the picture.  The loving couple, who had all this fun time together, suddenly have to decide how to raise another human being.  Feeding, discipline, clothes, friends, germs, toys, TV, bedtimes, nursing, organic/store-bought suddenly are grounds of arguing.  It's the same thing in the job hunt.  Issues that were assumed, are now under discussion, the length of commute, hours, the size of the company, benefits, vacation pay, duties, a new tack or familiar ground, pay, etc, it's all up for discussion.  I've been working for 20 years as a married guy and it's just now that we have to discuss the fact that I don't want to apply for a job that is 30 miles away again.  I'm tired of it.

6a - Another thing, you really find out what your spouse thinks of you. That's not always pretty, but this post is already too long, more on that later.

7 - The sex doesn't get better.  yes, we've had a few daytime sessions, but the stress in the air kills the mood at an incredible deep level.  don't count on being home all day to make anything better.  It doesn't.

8 - You realize that things are harder than you ever dreamed.  I applied for a job that I am 100% qualified for, and when I looked it up again this morning, it said that there are 72 other applicants for the job.  33% have Masters degrees, and the average distance between applicant and job is 649 miles.  People are applying from all over the west and beyond. How do I float to top in that mess?

9 - You realize that people are well-intentioned, but usually worthless.  Friends, associates, recruiters are all "willing" to help, but ultimately get caught up in their own life and offer very little in terms of pushing you along even when jobs are out there.

10 - You realize things about yourself that are ultimately depressing.  I am lazy, unfocused, tired, not very enthusiastic about actually working, a bit of a slacker, behind on my reading and just tired.  Did I say that one already?  Oh, and did I add I have a serious self-pity issue?  if I wasn't so amazingly handsome I'd have nothing good to say at all.  LOL.....!

Life sucks.  Nothing new, but I need to change.

This is the depressing version. But let's list some happy things.


I've lost 25 pounds.  I went on a diet knowing that if I stayed at home and ate all day, I would explode.  
I got some medical procedures taken care of, Nothing serious, but things that required some down time.
I've been in my son's classroom as a volunteer
I've spent time at the park and gone on walks with my wife.
I've worked out as part of my rehab and de-stressed in many ways.
I've taken a lot of pictures and put them on my Instagram/Tumblr
I've had some time to talk to friends.
I do more around the house.
I got a phone call from my dad offering help with my mortgage if I needed it.  He's been helping my brother for years and I know his budget is tight.  I was able to say, truthfully, that we are OK money-wise, but it was a sweet offer.
My son told me that I wasn't allowed to go back to work because he wants me to stay home.  he pointed to my wife and said, "Can't you get a job?"
I've been the assistant coach on my son's baseball team, it's hilarious watching 7 year olds try to turn a double play.  Oh, wait, they cant' catch or throw, so it doesn't happen very often.  (ever)

OK OK OK....  this has gone on way too long.

I need a job.  I think I should go get one.

TMI -

It’s just a fantasy

1. If your lover was turned on by forced feminization would you participate (giving or receiving)?

*forced feminization is the practice of enforcing activities on a male, which are typically associated with women, to make him submissive.

·         Does my answer count if I already do a lot of that stuff already?  I do most of the laundry, the dishes, I’m in charge of decorating, and, well, if submissive is the same as neutered, then we are well on the way.  The only problem is that apparently, it doesn’t turn her on at all. 

2. When you have sexual dreams or fantasies that are aggressive or cruel, does it worry you?

·         Nope, dreams are just dreams; at least that I tried to tell the court.  It didn’t work.  My only worry was that from 12-18 years old I dreamed about dying young.  The dreams stopped within a month of my 18^th birthday.  I’ve had rape dreams which probably worries those around me more than me, and I’ve had angry dreams where I just figure it’s my psychie blowing off steam.  When the line between dreams and reality begin to blur, and the voices in my head start appearing over my shoulder in my mirror, then I’ll start to worry.  But, let me follow the dream question with the more relevant one….  Are your active fantasies aggressive and cruel?  The ones you make up for yourself, are they the ones you should be worried about?

3. Tell us your hottest filthiest fantasy, right now, in 100 words or less. 

This is the fantasy about your desires that you probably never share, maybe they even go against your morals, or are societal taboos.

She’s blond, bubbly, beautiful, slim, an athlete on a diet and an incurable flirt.  What she just realized, with the help of 50 Shades and my well-placed comments, is that she craves for control, to be controlled.  Her grooming continues slowly as to not scare her away.  Each day another task, wear green to church, pink hip huggers before bed, make him cum, none for yourself, topless at the pool.

Soon she will knock on the door, enter, and kneel as I call her by her new name.  She will be broken, crying, her married tears to mark her graduation.

See, I told you I was "cute".

4. Which super hero would you like to have sex with? Why?

a. Aquaman – Cute, But I don’t swim that way.

b. Superman – Who needs to make comparisons?

c. Wonder Woman – No brainer, have you actually seen her?

d. She-Ra – Who?

5. Knowing there’s a hot young couple in the adjoining hotel room, would you press your ear against the wall to hear the action on the other side?

·         Are you kidding?  That’s why I slipped the front desk clerk the extra $20. 

6. Do you think the lure to live out sexual fantasies or have sex frequently is amplified by technology? Briefly explain.

•  OF COURSE!  Isn't that why we all pay for high-speed broadband?  The dangerous thing about the Internet is that it expands possibilities, even if they are only fantasies...Would I ever have had the guts to ask you to take your top off in person?  Would I talk dirty to a beautiful stranger if I had to do it face-to-face?  Would I have learned to be so bold, so domineering, if we had met over coffee?  Never.  I have met and loved and played with wonderful people over the past 6 years that I never would have met.  My in-person circle of friends is pretty small, and even there i have changed because of my on-line experiences.  i flirt more, i make more eye contact, I seduce even when there can never be consummation of that seduction.  
• I have changed, and I don't want to change back.
  

 ·          

Bonus: Describe your fantasy life in three (3) words.

• Rich
• Varied
• Unfullfilled

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

curbside patriotism

Thank you.
Thank you
Thank you......

As I walked down my street last night
I saw flags of kinds and stripes
Some Hung, some fluttered,
some were tattered and torn

But each one made me smile
Each one reminded me
That the Stars and Stripes
Had made me free

(The bad poetry is mine and mine alone)